Drinking and Mad Scientists Don't Mix
by Shego2Drakken
Summary: Drakken suddenly disappears, and Ratigan and Basil are sent to bring him back. Can those who were once enemies work together to save the day? Chapter 8 is up!
1. Drakken Disappears, Shego Sleuths

            "Drakken?", Shego called, hoping that her blue-skinned mad scientist partner-in-crime. No answer. "Drakken?" Still no answer. What happened to Drakken? He had disappeared ever since they came back to their lair, after Amy had tramped all over Drakken's heart. It must have been tragic, although Shego practically knew that this would have happened anyway. But where was he _now?_

            ~          *          ~          *          ~          *          ~          *          ~

            Drakken was sitting in the Supervillains Cafe. It was the one place he could think of, the only place he could be away from her. DNAmy. That wicked crafter of lies, that Circe in obsessor's clothing, that witch. How could she? He poured out his heart to her, and what did she do? Step all over it. He set down his martini, long since drunk. He didn't know what to do. _Is it too much to ask for help when a man's heart has been trampled on?_

            He looked up and saw a poster reading "Free Karate Lessons". A sudden idea sparked into his head. He would learn how to fight, and take revenge on Monkey Fist. It was he who stole Amy's heart, who in turn ripped his to shreds. But it would take forever with normal lessons. He would have to do it his way. If the Phoebus project would have made him actually intelligent, he might have taken over the world, and he wouldn't have been desperate enough to... Wait, the Phoebus project? _That was it_!

            ~          *          ~          *          ~          *          ~          *          ~

            Shego had almost had it. She had searched the lair from top to bottom, and there were no signs of Drakken. That could only mean two things: He had gotten himself lost in another dimension, _or_ he had gone to the Supervillains Cafe to drink away his trouble. Shego couldn't blame him.

            But Drakken plus alcohol wasn't a good combination. The last time he had gotten drunk, he had nearly accidentally killed Shego. If Ratigan hadn't intervened, she never would have made it up to the rest of the Go Squad. Ratigan had shrugged it off, thankfully, because Shego had seen what Ratigan could do to a person, and it wasn't pretty. She sighed. Ratigan had brought him back before, and he was going to have to bring him back again. She glanced at the clock. 9:00 A.M. But they were in Norway, so, time zones considered, it would be very early in the morning where Ratigan was. "_Note to self_", Shego thought "_Wear armor when he arrives_."


	2. Drakken Disappeared?

            Halfway across the globe, the phone rang, snapping Ratigan out of a strange dream, where he had discovered a tribe of strange people who looked upon Rufus as some sort of god (and which he blamed later on a bad nacho), and caused him to fall out of bed. "All right, all right, I'm up", he moaned, dashing to the phone, hoping secretly it wasn't _another_ telemarketer. "Yes?", he asked groggily.

            "Ratigan?", Shego inquired on the other end.

            Ratigan's mind was alert immediately. Shego rarely called, unless she wanted to throw a random insult. Seeing as how Shego had her ways of keeping an eye out for herself, the problem had to lie with Drakken. Normally, one would expect your basic insane genius to keep an eye out for him/herself, but, with Drakken, one couldn't tell. "Yeah, I'm up, despite the fact that it's one in the morning.", he replied sharply. "Let me guess; Drakken?"

            "How'd you know?", Shego asked on the other end.

            "Let's just call it a sixth sense.", Ratigan mused. "So, what's the problem with the not-so-good doctor?"

            "I don't know. He just disappeared."

            "Really?", Ratigan asked, fully interested. "Are you sure he's not trying cloning again?"

            "I'm sure of it", Shego said. "I made absolutely sure he sold the machine for spare parts."

            "Say, he wouldn't still be depressed over DNAmy, would he?", Ratigan asked, certain that this theory was correct.

            "Yeah, he is.", Shego responded, before asking "Why?"

            "Because I think I know where Drakken is. Or was. Or whatever."

            ~                      *          ~          *          ~          *          ~          *          ~

            The Supervillains Cafe. Not the best place to be if you're a World's Greatest Criminal Mind-turned-Supreme Being superhero. But Ratigan's reputation as a villain outweighed his reputation as a hero, so he got an in. Okay, that _and the fact that he dispatched the cafe's henchmen single-handedly. After that, people there tended to treat him with respect. Otherwise, the place was a hive of scum and villainy. On the bright side, the place had great shrimp._

            Ratigan approached Frugal Lucre, who was working as the bartender at the time. Ever since his mom had bailed him out of jail after he tried to destroy the Internet, he figured he was going to have to do better if he was going to accomplish any goals. Of course, in retrospect, getting such miniature snapping turtles wasn't such a good idea.

            "Francis", he said, stepping towards the corrupted clerk.

            "What do you-?', Lucre started to ask in his Bulgarian/Transylvanian accent before stopping. "Professor James Ratigan?", he asked in his normal voice. "What do you want?!"

            Veeken sidestepped Ratigan, holding up her Kimmunicator, which displayed a mug shot of Drakken. "Have you seen this guy?", she asked.

            "D-Don't look at m-me, I think he a-arrived during a d-different shift", Frugal stuttered in reply; before adding "Don't let him hurt me", glancing at Ratigan.

            Just then, a man wearing a purple zoot suit, which stood out starkly in the club, popped up from behind the counter and asked "What can I get you cats?"

            "_Okay", Ratigan thought. "__There is no way I can blame this on a bad burrito."_

            Veeken, finding her voice, asked "Jilly from Jersey? What're you doing here?"

            "Eh, things were getting slow down at the hotel, you dig?", Jilly replied in his same aloof tone. "So, youse two lookin' for that crazy cat?"

            "You've seen him?", Ratigan asked. This was the first real lead they'd had so far.

            "Yeah, he came in a half-hour before my shift ended. From what I overheard in his conversation with that crazy golfer, Killigan, the cat seemed pretty jive, you dig?"

            "Hmm, I see.", Ratigan mused. "Did he mention the name 'Amy' at all?"

            "Yeah, now that I remember it, I did hear him jivin' on about some chick named Amy. Must've been some pretty wild girl to dump him like that."

            "_Ouch", Ratigan thought. He'd heard that what Amy said really hurt Drakken, but he never thought it was this bad. Well, at least it was better than being hurt by that dinosaur. "Did he say anything else?", he voiced out loud._

            "No, that was all I heard before I had to leave on break."

            Suddenly, the Kimmunicator beeped. Ratigan snatched it up from the table, and asked "What up?"

            "Um, does Kim know you're stealing her lines?", Wade asked from the other end.

            "Never mind, Wade.", Ratigan replied flatly. "Anyway, what is it?"

            "I found a way to find Drakken."

            "Good.", Ratigan said, before asking "What is it?"

            "I borrowed GJ's DNA tracker, and it found Drakken in his Arctic lair."

            "And you failed to mention this before, because...?"

            "Hey, I'm not as much a genius as everyone makes me out to be", Wade replied defensively.

            "The Arctic lair", Veeken mused thoughtfully. "Isn't that the place where Drakken stored those plans for the Phoebus project?"

            "Yes", Ratigan replied. "Along with that Dimensional Portal he created."

            "Ah, yes", Veeken said, sighing. "The Dimens-Porter. Good times, _good times."_

            "Hey, don't forget _who_ was the test subject", Ratigan countered.

            "Listen", Wade said, "Whatever Drakken's got in mind is gonna happen really soon. I detected a continually-rising energy level from that lair, like the one the Phoebus project produces."

            "Drakken's going to make himself smart again?", Ratigan asked incredulously. "I thought the guy learned from his mistakes!"

            "Actually, he does", Veeken said matter-of-factly. "Unless he's desperate."

            "This isn't the time for arguing, Veek. Let's go." Turning to Frugal Lucre, he added "Sorry about giving you that scare."

            "No problem", Lucre said, cowering under the table. "Just-just get going." As soon as they left, he poked his head out from under the counter, and looked at Jilly. "Does my paycheck cover cost of uniforms?", he asked, before adding "Because I think I might need a new one."

            Jilly from Jersey just sighed. "_I wonder if the tourists are back yet..._", he thought.

To Be Continued . . .


	3. The Way There

Spooky Angel: Thanks for the review.

Disclaimer: I own no one. Need I say more?

            Ratigan and Veeken's next stop was back in Middleton to pick up Basil, with much reluctance from both one-half of the former and all of the latter. Put lightly, neither of them had really changed their opinion towards the other since the last time they  had battled one-on-one in Middleton Fields, back when Basil was a member of The Rogue Dæmon Capture Society (T.R.D.C.S), which was quite awhile. Even with Ratigan's parting words from that fateful battle ringing in his head, Basil still had a certain level of hatred towards the infamous ex-villain.

            Veeken had tried to patch up the already endangered partnership that somehow, without any knowledge between either of the two, had formed. But it was in flux, due to their history together. In retrospect, though, the "British Brace", as Kim dubbed it, was still going through some rough patches.

            ~          *          ~          *          ~          *          ~

            "So, indulge me. Why are we traveling to Drakken's lair that could be _swarming with guards, with a mouse whom I'd like to deal with less often than Bonnie Rockwaller?", Ratigan asked. They were aboard a remote-controlled helicopter that Wade had borrowed from an aeronautics lab to get them to Drakken's Arctic Lair. Basil had been in Britain at the moment when the call came in, so he chose to take a different mode of transportation. Considering Ratigan's opinion of having to be teamed up with him, it was a wise choice._

            "Listen, the only reason we have to team up with him is because rons_gurl has the flu and Desiree is working on a mission in England", Veeken replied, trying to calm the already frazzled rodent. Ratigan opened his mouth to argue, and she added "And don't think we're just going back to heal her. If this situation is as bad as Shego said, we're going to need all the magic we can muster."

            Ratigan turned away, a childish frown upon his lips. Lousy flu virus. Lousy mission. He sighed. "Well, it could be worse", he admitted. "It could be Will Du."

            "Now there's that prize-winning optimism", Veeken joked.

            Suddenly Wade spoke up, interrupting them. "You're there."

            ~          *          ~          *          ~          *          ~

            Basil was waiting for them atop the hill looking over Drakken's Arctic lair. The lasers were probably active, in case Monkey Fist ever got word of Drakken's monkeyshines towards DNAmy and decided to pay him a little visit. However, Ratigan doubted it. DNAmy was a bit ditzy, but she wasn't a _total blabbermouth. But there was always the off-chance… "_Oy_", Ratigan thought. "_Aren't I the little Professor Trelawney_?"_

            In his home, Wade typed furiously on his computer, and the lasers appeared in all their crimson-cylindrical glory. Back at the lair, Ratigan saw all this through the telescope. "What's faster?", he asked, turning to Veeken. "Walking or snowboarding." Veeken's only response was to throw a jet-black snowboard at him.

            Basil rolled his eyes. "I'll stick to walking, thank you", he said, starting off on his descent down the hill. As he passed Ratigan, he said "Don't choke."

            "Only when I see you", Ratigan retorted.

            Veeken shook her head. Sometimes there was just no standing those two.

            ~          *          ~          *          ~          *          ~          *

            They met at the bottom of the hill without much incident, or would have if it weren't for the sudden appearance of Rufus. In the long and short of it: Rufus suddenly made an appearance in one of Ratigan's coat pockets, seriously scaring him, and causing Rufus to fall out. Fortunately, Veeken had turned around in time, and prevented Rufus from touching one of the red beams like he did on his last visit. Other than that, everything went peachy.

            Basil arrived shortly after they did. And, by that, I mean Veeken landed normally, and Ratigan fell into a snow bank, due to Rufus messing up his rhythm.

            Basil walked up towards the former ruler of the European underworld, who was currently pulling his head out of the snow bank. "I see you choked."

            Ratigan's only response was to shake the snow that had accumulated on his clothes onto the despised detective. "I take that as a 'yes'.", Basil continued.

            "Well, I would have done better if someone hadn't had to make a sudden appearance", Ratigan retorted, glaring at Rufus.

            "Speaking of small, pink, and furless, how'd he get here all the way from Middleton?"

            "I don't know", Ratigan admitted. "I would _like_ to know, but I don't."

            Suddenly, Shego landed in the snow in front of them. "About time you guys got here! What did you use for transportation, a snail? Or did you use him?", she asked, indicating Rufus.

            "Hey!", Rufus squeaked indignantly.

            "Never mind, Shego", Ratigan interrupted. "What happened?"

            ~          *          ~          *          ~          *          ~          *

            "When I came into the lab where Drakken usually builds his evil technology, I found this strange Phoebus project look-alike."

            There was a machine in the middle of the huge room that looked like a high-tech chair hair-dryer, only different in color design. Ratigan approached it, then turned to face Shego. "This thing _is_ unplugged, right?"

            "Right now? Yeah, that thing's deader than someone who got his brain left behind in the Matrix."

            Looking up into the helmet part of the device, Ratigan reached in and pulled out a few small black hairs. Placing them in the analysis slot of the Kimmunicator, Veeken turned her attention to Wade, now analyzing what could possibly be Drakken, and this was the source of the energy. Either that, or Shego _really needed to blow-dry her hair._

            "Well?"

            "Well, the hair is Drakken's, but-", Wade started to say.

            "But what?"

            "I tried to track Drakken's location using the DNA tracker, but it's weird."

            "How weird?", Ratigan asked.

            "Another dimension weird", Wade explained.

            "He used the Dimens-porter?", Veeken exclaimed.

            "Looks like it", Wade replied.

            "Dimensional travel?", Basil scoffed. "But that's impossible."

            "Well", Ratigan said, walking over to a strange device hidden under a tarp. "If you ask me, Only those with narrow minds fail to see that the definition of 'Impossible' is 'Lack of imagination and incentive'."

            Basil was about to argue, but the retort died in his throat when he saw what was under the tarp. Seeing a dimensional teleporter does that to a person.

            ~          *          ~          *          ~          *          ~          *

Shego2Drakken: That was a great chapter. And now, Ratigan will sing the first stanza and the chorus of Say The Word.

Ratigan: (hiding) No.

Shego2Drakken: _Go_.

Ratigan: _No_.

Shego2Drakken: (pulling Ratigan out of his hiding place) **_Go_!**

Ratigan: I am not going to sing!

Shego2Drakken: It's either that or I post this picture of you all over the Web.

Ratigan: Fine. Hand me the lyrics.

(Shego2Drakken hands a piece of paper to Ratigan.)

Ratigan: (cont; singing)

I'm on it;  
I got it;  
I can do anything;  
What you need;  
Got your back;  
Just say the word, I'm there;

If you find your world is caving in;  
You can bet your gonna need a friend;   
Someone to take those fears away;

Say the word;  
Make a call and I'll be there;  
Anytime, anywhere, have you heard;  
That I'm all about saving your world;  
All you have to do is say the word. (spoken) Now hand me that picture.

Shego2Drakken: You'll have to catch me first! (runs off)

Ratigan: We'll be back with the next chapter as soon as I get that photo back.


	4. Bite the Bullet, It's Go Time

Spooky Angel: Ratigan and Basil actually are real Disney characters. Great Mouse Detective, actually. Just altered.

            "So that's the Dimens-porter", Basil mused. "It looks a bit, well, clunky."

            The device was comprised of a large, silver metallic ring that was supported on an ascending platform with stairs. There was a remote that was attached to a pipe, through which the wires were threaded. Think the Stargate, only lacking in the Egyptian motif.

            "Well, it is", Shego replied. "Most of Drakken's stuff usually is. But at least it works."

            Just then, the Kimmunicator beeped. Shego sighed. "Wade again?"

            "Has to be", Veeken replied. "No one else has this number." She activated the Kimmunicator. "Wade?"

            "I did an analysis of the plans for the newer version of the Phoebus project that Drakken made, and you probably won't like what it does."

            "So?", Shego asked. "I usually don't really like the stuff that Drakken makes. Anyway, what does it do?"

               "According to the designs, it's supposed to be like the original Phoebus project, only, instead of giving the person hit by the beam extreme intelligence, it gives the person accelerated fighting skills."

               "_So, it doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to deduce what happened. Drakken creates this device, intending to go after Monkey Fist intending revenge, and decides to test his fighting skills first before he actually does attempt revenge. That's easy enough to comprehend", Ratigan thought. "So, as Ron would put it, everything's hakuna, right?"            "Nope", Wade said, shaking his head. "Remember how the effects of the first Phoebus project wore off after awhile?"           "I do seem to recall that", Ratigan mused, while Rufus nodded his head in agreement._

               "Well, that fault has also appeared in the version Drakken created."

               "Does Drakken know of this fault?", Basil asked.

               "Knowing Drakken", Ratigan replied. "Probably not. So, if Drakken doesn't know about this problem, and he thinks the effects are going to last a lot longer than they really are… Uh-oh."

               "What do you mean by 'Uh-oh'?"

               "Then if Drakken doesn't know about the time limit of the device, that means in he's in serious danger", Veeken finished.

               "So we have to track Drakken down before he gets himself hurt…or worse", Basil said.

               "Precisely", Wade replied. "Actually, it shouldn't be hard. I can recalibrate the DNA tracker so it can locate Drakken's trail. But you'll have to go into other dimensions to follow it."

               "No problem, then", Shego said, pushing the red button on the remote. A light-blue energy portal appeared in the ring.

               "So, how are you going to track us when we're in another dimension?", Veeken asked.

               "With these", Ratigan replied, pulling out four blue-colored watches.

               "Watches?"

               "No", Shego replied. "They're tracking devices _disguised_ as watches. It's one of the few of Drakken's creations that actually _works."_

               "Actually works?!", Basil exclaimed, gulping audibly.

               "Don't worry, it's done it before, so I doubt it's going to spontaneously combust this time."

               Meanwhile, Basil took Ratigan aside. "Are you sure we can trust her, Ratigan?", he asked.

               "I'm not sure. But I don't really think we have much of a choice."

               "So, are you ready to go?", asked Shego.

               Basil and Ratigan looked at each other, both trying to hide their unease.

               "Ready and willing", Veeken interjected.

               Rufus hopped into one of Veeken's cargo pants pockets as she stepped through. Basil stepped through next, passing an uneasy glance at Shego. Ratigan was last, glancing back at Shego. "_I might never see her, or anyone, again_", he thought. But he shook the thought from his head. "_Well, it's too late to turn back now._" He stepped through the portal.

               To be continued…


	5. Are We Home?

Disclaimer: I own no one. And ChibiJaime's world belongs to, well, ChibiJaime.

            ~          *          ~          *          ~          *          ~

            The setting was the East Side of London, a "hive of scum and villainy", as Ben Kenobi would have termed it. At the various pubs and bars, card games were being won or lost, pickpockets were practicing their art and, as was usual, Professor James Ratigan (Author's note: The past one.) was plotting an evil scheme for revenge on Basil of Baker Street, though he couldn't do this himself, due to his landing in the trash barge, which damaged his leg, leaving him with a limp. However, this tranquil existence was about to change soon, in a very drastic way.

            Suddenly, the sky silently split apart, revealing a light blue aurora, the same as the time portal. There was a flash, and Veeken fell from the portal, landing gracefully on the docks. Dusting her hands off, she smiled. "Another perfect landing, eh, Rufus?"

            Rufus stuck his head out of Veeken's pocket and nodded.

            "Hey, where's Ratigan?", Veeken asked the air, before the aurora flashed again, and Ratigan plummeted less gracefully into the water. Of course, then he leapt out of the water almost as quickly as he fell in with a scream of "**_COLD_!!!"**

            Rufus laughed uncontrollably. This was the funniest thing that had happened so far, unless you counted the trip to Drakken's Arctic lair, which would have been funny, had it not been for the threat of capture.

            "Very funny, Rufus", Ratigan retorted. "You can laugh. You didn't just take a plunge into freezing-cold waters."

            Veeken merely smiled, then looked around. "Where's Basil?"

            "I don't know", Ratigan replied. "He went in before me, so he should be here, unless he's lost somewhere in the dimension stream."

            Suddenly, the Aurora flashed again, and Basil fell into the water, but instead of leaping back out screaming, he climbed out of the water, soaked to the bone, but still trying to put up as much dignity as possible. Ratigan, meanwhile, was actually looking at the surroundings, inhaling deeply. "Look at this place, Rufus", he said. "Trash, exhaust fumes, criminal element everywhere." There was a pause, and Ratigan grinned. "We are _home_!" Rufus inhaled deeply, then coughed heavily. 

            "_You're home, Ratigan", Basil retorted. "Me? I'm about to cough up something very vital." There was nothing but silence. "Ratigan?"_

            "Where'd he go?", Veeken wondered.

            Meanwhile, Rufus was on the ground, frantically pointing in the direction of the area around the docks. There was a brief glimpse of Ratigan's cape before it, and his owner, disappeared around the corner.

            "Here we go again", Basil moaned.

To Be Continued… Sorry for the short chapter. It'll get better later on.


	6. You Run Around, I Run Around, We All Do ...

Meanwhile, halfway across the globe, Ron Stoppable awoke to a considerable lack of something, though he didn't know what yet. A quick call to Kim and Monique was good proof that Drakken hadn't pulled some half-baked scheme while he was asleep, so what was wrong? Bueno Nacho and Smarty Mart were still in one piece, and so was the school (much to his disappointment). So what was wrong? After a moment, he shrugged it off. "Must've been all in my head, eh, Rufus?", he asked his furless companion, who was, unknown to him, currently traveling with Ratigan, meaning no reply. "Rufus?", he asked again. Maybe he was still asleep. "Rufus?" Still nothing. Ron dashed over to the bedroom section of Rufus's tube maze. He was gone.

"**_RUFUS_**!!!!"

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

Kim had just sat down to breakfast, and was about to start eating one of her bacon slices, when Ron burst into the kitchen, wearing his mission clothes, and looking like he was about to have an aneurysm. "Ron, what's the ish?", she asked.

"_KP, I was just getting up, I mean, of **course I was getting up. What else would I be doing in the morning? Anyway I had this weird feeling that something was missing. I called you, I called Monique, Bueno Nacho, and, yes, even the school, but they were all still there.**_"

"And you're going somewhere with this?", Kim asked.

"Anyway,Ifigureditwasjustastrangefeeling,butthenIcheckedRufus'shabitatandhewas**_GONE_!!!"**

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ron", Kim started, putting up her hand for silence. "What was that last bit?"

"**_RUFUS WAS GONE_**!!!", Ron exclaimed.

"What?", Kim exclaimed. "Are you sure?"

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

The next minute, they were flying towards Drakken's Arctic lair. Wade had gotten word to them that Rufus was last seen there, though he didn't tell them _why he was there. What they didn't know was that they were about to get the shock of their lives._

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

In the lair in question, Shego sat back in the chair, her green and black headset tuned into Veeken's Kimmunicator so they could maintain communication. "Test, 1, 2, 3. Drakken in a dander causes destructive danger. Do you read?"

"Eeaugh, Shego", came the reply on the other end. "Do you know how absolutely tasteless that is?" Veeken.

"So, are you in?"

"In and ready to find Drakken's trail. There's just one slight problem."

"What's the ish?", Shego asked.

"Ratigan disappeared."

Suddenly, the doors to the room collapsed inward, and there were Kim and Ron, looking for all the world like they had been force-fed a pair of lemons. "I'll have to call you back, Veek. Hero alert." Turning to Kim and Ron, she asked "What's with you?"

"Okay, Shego the game's over!", Kim shouted.

"And hand over Rufus, too!", Ron added, sidestepping Kim.

"Okay, I know it _looks_ like I'm trying something villainous and something that Drakken would do, but I'm not."

"Where _is_ Drakken, anyway?", Kim asked.

"Don't know", Shego replied. "Would _like_ to know, but don't."

Meanwhile, Ron pointed towards the Dimens-Porter. "Hey, Kim", he whispered. "The Dimens-Porter's working."

"Does that mean…?", Kim asked.

"Yeah", Ron said before adding "Dimensional travel. It's a cornucopia of disturbing concepts."

"Anyway", Shego interrupted. "We aren't trying anything evil, so you might as well-"

"We?", Kim asked. "But Drakken isn't here."

"Doy."

"But… But where's Rufus?", Ron asked.

"Don't know", Shego admitted. "Probably with Ratigan."

"Ratigan?", Ron asked. "What's he doing with you? Do you have him under mind control or something?"

"No. He, Basil, and that Veeken girl are looking for Drakken."

"Okay", Ron said. "I had you up to the 'No', but after that, it's a bit blurry."

Shego sighed. Sometimes, it wasn't even worth _looking_ at that kid.

            ~          *          ~          *          ~          *          ~

            Ratigan landed on top of the metallic garbage can, its lid making a slight clink under his feet. He looked around, examining the surroundings mentally and physically. He had tuned in on Drakken's presence ever since they got here, but there was another presence there. Something vaguely and frighteningly familiar. Either he had had a bad naco before he left, or… No way. Ratigan was right the first time. The Banard-Stokes theory _was_ a cornucopia of disturbing concepts.

            To Be Continued…

            ~          *          ~          *          ~          *          ~

Author's Note: The Banard-Stokes theory is a Dark Materials thing. For those of you who haven't read them, here it is: The Banard-Stokes theory is that there are other worlds aside from ours, 'material and sinful' as the Librarian from the second chapter. I decided to use this theory because it sounded like something that would involve dæmons. And now, the obligatory banter between me and Ratigan.

            ~          *          ~          *          ~          *          ~

Ratigan: So who's this mysterious being I get to meet?

Shego2Drakken: Well, you're in an alternate universe, so maybe…

Ratigan: No. Way. I get to meet-?!

Shego2Drakken: (clamping his mouth shut) Hey, don't spoil the surprise for them!

Ratigan: (grumbles)


	7. On The Path That We Choose, Turn Every C...

Author's Note: I'm gonna toss a Two Towers Elvish quote in this chap. He/She who guesses the quote wins… absolutely nothing. Okay, except respect for having a exceptional knowledge of Elvish, but I dunno… Oh, and an altered quote from A Sitch In Time, but that's another story.

            Ratigan was about to go after the creature that was giving off the noticeable aurora, when someone spoke up down by the base of the garbage can.

            "Ratigan.. You really need to… slow down a bit… Some of us aren't exactly Olympic sprinters…"

            Looking down over the edge, Ratigan saw Basil, leaning against the side of the can, panting like he had just run the entire distance of the globe.

            "What happened to you?", he asked. "I wasn't even running!" Looking around, he added to himself "Okay, maybe a light jog, but not _running_…"

            Basil was about to argue, when Veeken jogged up at a loping pace. "Guys, I heard someone shouting awhile back. You think it might be Drakken?"

            "No", Basil replied. "I scanned the area for a portal aside from our own, and there's another one a few miles from here. No, I'd have to say that would be-."

            "**_Basil_**!!!!", a far-off voice exclaimed.

"An alternate universe version of me, Dawson, Ratigan, etc…", he finished dejectedly. "And this is the part where either you or Ratigan say-"

            "Come on, guys!", Veeken shouted, loping off down the alley-way, followed by Rufus, leaping in the style of a gazelle. Or she would have, if it weren't for the _thing_ lying on the ground.

            Ratigan ran up, moving Veeken away from what she tripped on, followed closely by Basil. Veeken got to her feet slowly, then turned and gasped, her jaw dropping at the thing she had tripped on. {AN: Okay, enough with the suspense, I'll tell you.} A gray-scaled lizard, decked in thug-styled clothing was lying on the ground, his eyes blank and staring. One of the legs and the tail looked as if it had been mostly torn off, and there was a chunk of flesh torn out of his side, something no one could survive. It was one of Ratigan's henchmen. It was dead. {AN: No, it's not Bill, folks.}

            Veeken gulped audibly. "What's happened to him… Whatever it was, wasn't human…", she muttered.

            "Nope", Basil said, confirming Veeken's thought. "The way the tail and the torso were torn, I'd say that it was done by something from the Aves class, perhaps the Passerine order, more in particular, the crow family. Yes", he finished, standing up and dusting off his paws. "This looks like the work of a Corvus corax."

            Rufus raised an eyebrow, and Veeken rolled her eyes. "When you want to start speaking plain English", she said sarcastically. "just let me know."

            Basil groaned. "It was a crow."

            Veeken's eyes widened at the thought of that beak, then shuddered. "Poor goon never stood a chance." 

            "Hiro hyn hîdh ab 'wanath", Ratigan muttered under his breath. "Thank God it wasn't Bill". he added out loud.

            "Bill?!", Basil scoffed. "From what I heard, he was one of the worst henchmen you had!"

            "Well, he wasn't a complete idiot" Ratigan retorted. There was a moment of silence, then: "Okay, _and_ he was a good laugh, but I'm not one of those people who'd say that in public."

            Veeken rolled her eyes. Sometimes, there was just absolutely no standing those two and their incessant bickering. "Now, now, boys, quit fighting. We must be like a wolf pack, not a six-pack."

            Ratigan shot a worried glance at Basil. "She's started to quote Mystery Men", he muttered. "She's desperate."

            Suddenly, another shout of terror ripped through the air. Veeken started off, then turned, asking "Well, are you coming or not?"

            Ratigan and Basil looked at each other, shrugging. This was it.

            ~          *          ~          *          ~          *

            Dawson fell backwards, falling onto the cement. Lately, Professor Jamison Ratigan, the sadistic sewer rat (still in denial of his species) and his protégé Elaine Ratcliffe (equally in denial) have been harsher in their attacks on Basil, and anyone close to them. Advanced on him was Tasgall McCullen, preparing to deal a death blow.

            "And now, Doctor David Q. Dawson", Elaine said, smirking. "You will learn what happens when you mess with my beloved Jamison." She smiled maliciously. "Any questions?"

            "I've got one!", Veeken shouted, planting a jump-kick on Tasgall's chest, forcing him to abandon his quarry. "Is that really your figure, or are you in denial?" She put her fists up, ready to defend this different Dawson to the death, or at least up to a good throttling. "_Bite the bullet, Veek_", she thought. "_It's go time._"

            To be Continued…

~ * ~ * ~ *

Ratigan: Wow. Looks to be a good fight.

Shego2Drakken: Yeah. (beat) Think she'll win?

Ratigan: Uh… Don't know.

Shego2Drakken: You'll just have to wait to find out.


	8. On the One, For Another Begins

Spooky Angel: The Two Towers quote was "Hiro hyn hîdh ab 'wanath", which means "May they find peace after death", and the altered A Sitch In Time was Shego's "When you wanna start making sense, just let me know."

(Ratigan and Basil are next to an open, yet rather small {not so small that Basil can't get through} window.)

Ratigan: Come on, Basil, she's going to catch us.

Basil: She's not going to check in here for awhile.

Ratigan: Never mind. I'm getting out of here. (tries the door next to the window) It's locked. I'm going to have to climb through to open it.

Basil: No, you won't fit.

Ratigan: Oh, and you will?

(A fight breaks out. Eventually Ratigan breaks away from Basil and tries to get through the open window, only. he gets stuck.)

Basil: So you are as dumb as you look.

Ratigan: Shut up and get me out of this thing!

Basil: **_AUGH_**! (starts trying to push Ratigan out the window)

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone. Tasgall, Elaine, and Simon belong to ChibiJaime.

            Unnoticed by anyone else, Ratigan, Rufus, and Basil watched the battle from atop the parapet. Suddenly, a yelp of pain coming the other end of the rooftop. Leaping from the parapet onto the roof, Ratigan called up to Basil. "Keep an eye on Rufus and Veeken for me, and let me know if she needs help!", he shouted, dashing off.

            Basil started after him, but stopped, sighing. "Bloody git, he's going to get us all killed", he muttered under his breath.

            ~          *          ~          *          ~          *          ~          *          ~          *

            Ratigan stalked through the shadows towards the other half of the roof. There was Basil, being backed down by what was, in all probability, one of the biggest ravens known to mousedom. "_Maybe this wasn't such a good idea._" Meanwhile, watching the whole thing was _another_ Professor Ratigan, leaning on a diamond-topped cane, smiling maliciously. "_Ah, so I survive the fall from Big Ben  in **this** world as well_", Ratigan thought. "_However, the Banard-Stokes theory has much to offer._" Okay, so he was technically hurting himself. You can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.

            Sneaking up silently behind the other world Ratigan, he located the right bundle of nerves. Instantly, Ratigan fell backwards into his dæmon/rat hybrid counterpart's arms, immediately unconscious. Basil never noticed a thing. Setting his counterpart on the ground, Ratigan turned his attention to the cane. Gently pulling out of the unconscious rodent's grasp, he noticed there was something odd about it. Pulling on the handle, he pulled out-. "A cane sword.", he whispered. The possibilities of the scenario were endless, just the way they were supposed to be. Boo-ya.

            ~          *          ~          *          ~          *

            Basil moved backwards across the ground, knowing how close he was to feathered black death, a.k.a Simon. Well, there went all hope of a painless death down the drain.

            Simon screamed, and Basil braced himself, preparing for the end.Nothing. Basil opened an eye, shutting it again, then opened both looking at what happened. The raven had stopped screaming. "_Well_", Basil thought, "_This is new._" Suddenly, Simon started to topple, and Basil had only a few seconds to move out of the way before it hit the ground.

            Staring down at the now still body of the raven, Basil stared. "_Dead?_", he asked mentally. "_How.? Yes, Elaine's going to have a fit over this one. I'm sure of it_", he thought before adding "_Not that I'm worried. But how did it._" His thought trailed off when he noticed the momentary sparkle of light. The head of Ratigan's cane sword was sticking out of the back of the bird. It had punctured its heart, no doubt.

            Suddenly, a familiar form clambered to the now still bird's back. As the figure yanked the sword from the bird's corpse, Basil got a clear look at the victor. His jaw dropped. To say he was confused, and a little gobsmacked was an understatement. "Ratigan.?!"

            ~          *          ~          *          ~          *

            Turning towards the raven {AN: For some reason, I kept typing crow.}, Ratigan launched himself onto its back. The raven reared back, intending to rip Basil to shreds, and Ratigan clung onto the onyx feathers. Managing to grip the handle with both hands, he plunged the sword into the bird's back. The crow stopped moving, then started to plummet forward. He'd have to leave the sword for now, but he could take it later.

            Waiting until the bird stopped breathing, he clambered to the back, and withdrew the sword with a huge yank. Looking up, he saw Basil with an expression of shock as if he were naked. "_So much for gratitude_", he thought as he stood there, deciding on what to do with him.

            "Ratigan!", someone shouted. Basil. The one he knew. Oy vay.

            Turning to the approaching one, he asked "What is it?", ignoring the look of utmost shock on the local Basil.

            "Well, Veeken needs help fighting that bearded dragon, and." He trailed off, noticing the sword in Ratigan's grasp. "Ratigan?", he asked.

            "Yes?", he responded, already knowing what the question was.

            "**_WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH A SWORD?!_**"

            Called _that_ one. "Never mind", he said, turning to the other Basil, who was shaking his head. "Keep an eye on him", he told Basil, gesturing to the unconscious double. Pushing the blood-stained sword into his hands, he took off in the other direction, leaving him wondering "What the heck.?"

            ~          *          ~          *          ~          *

            Veeken backed off from the lizard. So far, she had been dodging his attacks, barely able to land a punch. "_Drakken better be grateful if we ever get the chance to rescue him_", she thought.

            Tasgall started to close in on her, or would have if it weren't for the blast of crimson plasma that hit him, knocking him aside. There was Ratigan, _her_ Ratigan, fists aflame. They were close to blows, when. "Stop!", Basil shouted, earning the attention of everyone present. "Listen", he continued. "We didn't come here to start a fight. We came to look for a human, about my height, with strange blue skin and clothing. Perhaps you've seen him?"

            "Well", Dawson spoke up, "there _was_ a bank robbery where the bank guard clamed to see a blue-skinned human. Would that help for starters?"

            Ratigan smiled. "Quite."

            ~          *          ~          *          ~          *

Shego2Drakken: Um, we might have to hold off on that author/muse banter for today. It seems Ratigan and Basil were trying to sneak out of the kitchen through a window, and, well. they were stuck there awhile, and they're still at it. I'd better help. (pulls out key; unlocks door)

(Later.)

Shego2Drakken: Here. (hands hook to Ratigan)

Ratigan: What the.? (is suddenly yanked out of window)

Shego2Drakken: Better?

Ratigan: (in pain) Much.

Shego2Drakken: Now, um, what happened to the cheese?

Ratigan: What cheese?

Shego2Drakken: Precisely.


	9. Confusions, Confusions, Confusions

AN: Yaay! I finally updated this fic!!! This chapter, we get to see where Drakken is currently, and the fellowship is complete.  
  
Drakken stood on the pile of broken robo-clones [1]. "Is that all you have, Dementor?" he said, laughing scornfully. "Or is there a clone of Commodore Puddles you'd like to introduce me to?" He smiled, while Dementor silently fumed.  
  
Drakken had created another portal into this dimension, and had run into its version of Professor Dementor, who was apparently planning on creating robo-clones to attack a particular Syd Lipsky. He had entered only to have a bio-scanner scan his DNA pattern and brainwaves into a computer, which created two almost perfect clones of him. Almost perfect, except for the miniscule flaw of them not having the martial arts skills programmed into their brains. He dispatched them easily. Dementor sent some of the other clones to attack, but he defeated and destroyed them as well.  
  
Of course, there was another problem, but he'd let that one go for now. It turned out that, in his haste to run off before Shego arrived, he'd accidentally grabbed one of the earlier models of the Dimensporter watch. The earlier version of the watch had a slight (slight meaning MAJOR) flaw that made the later version superior. It turned out that, once you opened a window to another dimension with the earlier version, it couldn't be closed. Thankfully, it turned out Ratigan contacted someone in the other dimension and notified them of the test.  
  
In retrospect, however, it seemed that it would be awhile before Jessie Barkin ever fully trusted her mirror again.  
  
The alternate universe Basil walked over to Ratigan, who was leaning casually against his alternate universe counterpart's cane. "Well", he said contemptuously, "I don't have a single clue if you are Ratigan, or maybe a doppelganger in disguise to make me think you're Ratigan, but I do know that you're up to something."  
  
"_We're in an alternate universe_", Ratigan thought, "_And Basil's still as clueless as ever_."  
  
A slight groan emanated from the alternate universe Ratigan (AN: Who we will refer to in future as Prof. Ratigan). Veeken walked over to him, Ratigan following, and stood in his general line of vision. This would be interesting. Prof. Ratigan blinked, and glared at the pre-teen hero, who stood over him, her hands on her hips. "Who", he growled, "are you?"  
  
"That depends", Veeken retorted. "Who, may I ask, are _you_?"  
  
Prof. Ratigan growled. "Not one to sound juvenile", he said, calmly, "but I believe I asked _you_ first."  
  
"What?", Veeken asked. "Is it so wrong to give an honest reply?"  
  
"You are an impudent youth", Prof. Ratigan hissed. "Personally, I would cut off your head, if it stood a little lower to the ground."  
  
"I'd watch what I say", Ratigan said, pointing the cane sword at Ratigan's chest. "Otherwise you'd die before said stroke fell." [2]  
  
Prof. Ratigan blinked. "So _that's_ what happened to my cane…"  
  
"I can't believe it!", Elaine Ratcliffe cried from somewhere else. Apparently, she'd discovered the raven. She turned to glare at the group. "Which one of you did this?!", she screeched. Ratigan pointed to Basil, who noticed, and pointed right back at Ratigan. "One of you", Elaine hissed, storming towards them, "had better have a good explanation for this… **_this_**…!"  
  
"Listen", the alternate universe Basil interjected suddenly, surprising everyone, especially Ratigan, "Clone, robot, or the real Ratigan, the bird still _was_ trying to kill someone, namely me."  
  
"And your point is?", Elaine asked with mock-interest.  
  
Meanwhile, Veeken happened to look up at the Aurora, which was still blazing as ever, strangely enough. "Um... guys?", she asked.  
  
"Maybe it hasn't occurred to you", Ratigan said scornfully, oblivious to Veeken's inquiry, "that I happen to be from an _alternate universe_?!"  
  
"Guys?", Veeken asked again more urgently. Elaine just stalked over to Ratigan.  
  
"Oh, and I suppose that makes you special", Elaine retorted sarcastically.  
  
Losing her patience at last, Veeken shouted "**_GUYS_**!!!"  
  
"What?!" both rats asked simultaneously.  
  
"The Aurora?", Veeken said helpfully, pointing towards the sky. The Aurora flashed briefly once, and Ron Stoppable came tumbling down into Ratigan's arms.  
  
He shook his head, briefly dazed. He then turned and saw Elaine. "Well", he crooned, "Hell-ooo, rodential-." Ratigan had enough with Ron, so he dropped him onto the concrete. "Oof!"  
  
There was another flash, and Kim fell screaming from the sky, which wasn't exactly the picture of a courageous teenaged heroine. Kim landed in Ratigan's arms. "Hi, Kim", Ratigan greeted as if this was normal.  
  
Meanwhile, Ron had gotten up from the ground. "Rufus?", he called. The naked mole rat poked his head out of Veeken's pocket, climbed out, and scampered over to Ron's hands.  
  
"Ah, guys?", Basil inquired suddenly.  
  
"What?", Ratigan asked harshly. "Can't you see I'm trying to have an argument with... with..." He turned to the alternate universe Basil. "What's her name?"  
  
"Elaine", he said, surprised he didn't know her. "If you must know, she's _that_ Ratigan's protég", he added, pointing to Prof. Ratigan.  
  
Ratigan looked from Elaine to Prof Ratigan, then to Elaine, then to Prof. Ratigan, then to... Well, you get the idea. "Her?", he asked. "She's his protégé?" He blinked. "She's not an-" He paused, then leaned towards the alternate universe Basil and whispered "an r-a-t."  
  
"Actually, I think she is", Basil stated out loud. "More than likely wearing a corset."  
  
"What?", Elaine interjected in anger.  
  
"Oh, really?", Veeken asked. "**_Someone's_**_ in denial_", she thought.  
  
Under his breath, Ratigan muttered "Déshonneur deport à l'espèce." [3]  
  
"What was that?", Elaine snapped suddenly.  
  
"Nothing", Ratigan said quickly. The alternate universe Basil merely smirked.  
  
"Listen", Veeken interjected. "We need to get to this spot", she said, holding up the Kimmunicator, displaying a map of the location of the portal. "Do you have some way of getting us there?"  
  
The alternate universe Basil studied the map, then turned and walked towards the stairwell. "Follow me" was all he said.  
  
To Be Continued...  
  
1: Read Rocinante's fic So The Drama for info.  
  
2: A little Two Towers action for ya, Reverspots (If you ever read this fic).  
  
3: French for "Corset-wearing disgrace to the species".


End file.
